"The Four Agreements"

“The FOUR AGREEMENTS” – FULL TRANSCRIPT

 

 

 

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Hello there, Kevin here with another episode of the feel good English podcast. The only podcast that’s helping you become more fluent in English and more fluent in life. Today’s episode I think will help you become much more fluent in life. One of my favorite books at least one of my top ten books that I’ve read in my, not so short life, but not so long life ether I’m 92 years old if you didn’t know. I’m going to talk about a book today called The 4 Agreements. This book was written by the author Donna McGill Ruiz, who is Mexican and it was published in 1997. This book is about our self-limiting beliefs. Beliefs that rob us of joy and also that create a lot of suffering, a lot of needless suffering. So I’m going to give you an introduction to this book and talk about each agreement and share with you what I think are the most important ideas and the ones that can help you get the most benefit from this book in a short fifteen minute podcast episode. As I go along I will also explain some of the English that I use that you might not know. By the way I’m a little under the weather today if you can hear it in my voice. Under the weather, what does that mean? Well I’m a little sick. I have a cold just a head cold and under the weather, feeling under the weather or to be under the weather means you are sick, a little sick. Not extremely sick you wouldn’t say under the weather if you’re extremely sick and again I have a cold, I have a head, see here that.

A head cold is just when you’re congested, stuffed up in the head. You might have to clear your throat sometimes like I just did, cleared my throat, but anyway that’s enough vocabulary on being sick, we don’t make boring being sick vocabulary lessons here. There’s plenty of being sick boring vocabulary lessons online, so go find those if you want to learn more about talking about being sick. Here we talk about inspiring life changing lessons with a little bit of English vocabulary thrown in for good measure. 

Going to talk about the book The 4 Agreements, A Practical Guide to personal freedom. And as you might know personal freedom is something I talk a lot about here on the feel good English podcast and personal freedom is just that it’s personal. It is different for everybody, freedom can be a vague term. It means different things to different people. So what does freedom mean to you? What does personal freedom mean to you? If you want a transcript to this episode you can find it at feel good English.com. There’s some other goodies on my website. So if you haven’t been there yet go check it out. Also sign up for my email, I’ll send you weekly motivational emails to help you stay on track with your English, stay on track with your life and to motivate your week just a little bit more. Those emails come out on Sunday. So if you want to be a part of that list go to feelgoodenglish.com, get on my email list there and we’ll connect through your email too.

Now let’s get into the lesson The 4 Agreements. A Practical Guide to personal freedom.  So the first agreement from the book is to be an impeccable with your word, be impeccable. To be impeccable means to be flawless, faultless, of the highest standard. So what the other talking about being impeccable with your word is to speak with integrity, to be honest, to be true, big part of that is to speak honestly, to speak what you’re really feeling, to not hide things, to not lie. Our words are powerful. They create energy, they put energy out there, so if you say negative things to other people or about other people it creates a negative energy and this can come back to you. And this even includes with yourself. If you speak badly about yourself this creates a whole negative vibe, a whole negative atmosphere and a negative chain of events around yourself as well. Be careful with how you use your words. Speak truthfully, honestly and speak positively. Often by speaking too much and we say things that we regret meaning that we wish we hadn’t had said it, wish we hadn’t had said. And a big part of this is not gossiping, not using your words to gossip about others. So what is Gossip, gossip, gossip is to talk you know in a casual way about other people and often it’s kind of negative things, bad things and often we don’t even know if these things are true or not. However we use gossip to connect with other people and by making things up about other people, talking badly about other people with your friends you can feel that you’re connecting more with your friends but if the only conversation topics you can come up with with your friends are about other people, you’re going to sound kind of stupid maybe you need to learn something new as opposed to just talking badly about other people that aren’t around you. Think of a couple high school girls talking to each other about another girl. The other girls not in the room so these two girls are talking about her. 

Even though that other person isn’t in the room. There’s a negative energy created and this native energy can affect things, can affect actions, can affect behaviors, can affect emotions, could affect events that happen to you. So the biggest word of advice here is do not talk bad about other people. This can seem obvious however I think we often fall into a trap of kind of automatically talking bad about others with the people that we’re around. When we don’t have things to say or if we just want to connect with the person that we’re with. Often we’ll talk bad about other people so we can connect through talking bad about other people. This is very common I don’t think it’s something that only bad people do. I think a lot of people do this but if we pay more attention to this behavior and if we try not to gossip so much we can really feel better about ourselves and we can also make other people and we can also make other people feel better as well. And don’t gossip, gossip is for high school girls and if you are a high school girl listening to this out there you don’t have to be gossipy, be better than your gossipy girlfriends. Stop talking bad about other people and be the coolest girl in school. 

The next agreement here is don’t take anything personally and this is huge, don’t take what other people say or what other people do personally meaning don’t think they say what they say or do what they do based on you because of you, it’s hard not to think this way, however the second agreement don’t take anything personally. When somebody says something bad to you. Let’s say they make fun of, they make fun of your weight. Somebody says to you oh you know you should lose a little weight, you’re a little chubby. Why do you get offended, why does that hurt? According to the book and I agree, the reason you get hurt when somebody says you’re not the ideal weight when they think you are a little chubby is because you agree with them because you believe them. You take it personally and you think yes maybe it’s true, maybe I am not the ideal weight, maybe I am wrong and don’t believe me well let me ask you this. If somebody came up to you and said wow you know I really don’t like your skin color you’re green nobody else is green but you’re green, why are you green? Well you probably aren’t green and so you’re not going to get offended. It’s not true, you don’t believe them, you don’t agree with them because you’re not green. So it means nothing sorry for those listeners out there who are green if you are green person I’m not trying to offend you. So anyway if they say that you’re chubby, if you’re overweight. somewhere inside of you you’re going to agree with them and you’re going to think wow I guess what they’re saying is true but instead of taking responsibility for this or just realizing that if it is something you want to change there are ways to change it you get mad at the other person, you get pissed at them, you get pissed off at them and say I can’t believe they said that, oh that’s not true. I’m perfect, oh why, oh poor me that’s not going to help anyone. It actually gives the other person power and if you want to take away the power from other people, especially people that are not very nice, don’t take what they say personally and realize that everything single thing that they say has nothing to do with you. It is completely about them. It’s about their world, their opinions, their values, their ideas, their past, their struggles with life all of these different things that they have make up their world and what they say is totally based on themselves. So don’t let other people get you down by the words that they speak. Simply realize that it’s not about you it’s totally about them. 

Connecting this with another lesson this book seven habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. He talks about trying to understand people first before trying to be understood so you can apply this here. If other people are making you feel bad try to understand why they might be doing that. Put yourself into their shoes, your acceptance and understanding and kindness will probably shock them when they realize you’re not affected by their bad intention, words and actions. Another very interesting concept in this agreement is why people lie. People lie not to trick you or to hurt you, they lie because they are afraid of something, they’re scared of the truth they don’t want it to to tell you the truth because they don’t want to lose something, they don’t want to lose your trust, they don’t want to lose your friendship, your relationship, your love or whatever that may be. They’re lying because they are afraid of something, maybe they don’t want to go to jail so they lie. That’s an obvious one but look deeply into the person, person’s world. When somebody is lying why are they lying? What are they afraid of?  

Third agreement, do not make assumptions. To assume something is to think you know the answer to something, you think you know what’s going on, you think you know why somebody did something, you think you know why somebody is not doing something. We make assumptions all day every day. So let me ask you this when was the last time you assumed something to be true? Maybe it made you angry or jealous, sad, scared. It caused some suffering for you for a little while but when you found out the real answer to your dilemma when you found out what was really going on it turned out that you were completely wrong. Has this happened recently probably? This is the effect that making assumptions has on us. We assume things based on our past right, what has happened to us in the past. What we’ve seen, what we’ve heard, sometimes we even assume things based on other people’s lives or movies. If you watch novellas like the soap operas and there’s always drama in these shows. You think life’s like that. So you assume things in your life are going to be the same way. Well that’s pretty ridiculous isn’t it. So try to not make assumptions, try not to assume things to be true until you have all the information you need to know exactly what’s going on, what’s going to happen. Making assumptions is often why we worry about the future because we think things are going to happen when we really don’t know. Often those things don’t happen, so pay attention to the assumptions that you make from now on. In the future maybe just today and realize those are just based on past experiences and we’re just trying to make sense of or connect experiences and emotions from the past in an attempt while in a futile attempt to predict our futures and if you let go of that and you’re more present and more mindful you wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of assuming bad things will happen. 

Last agreement here, always do your best. Does that sound kind of cheesy? Always do your best, well your best will change, your best changes from moment to moment from day to day from week to week. We can’t always expect to be at the same level, however always try to be your best at that given moment. You’ll be sick, you’ll be tired, you’ll be depressed you’ll be unmotivated but at any given moment do your best. And why? When you put your best effort in to everything you do you will avoid self-judgment, you will avoid other people’s criticism because you’re doing your best. So even if they do criticize you you won’t take it personally because it’s not true, correct, remember you only take things personally if what you think someone said is true and you’ll feel better about yourself. So think of the next step at this moment what’s the next thing that you could do that would be the right decision that would be your best and if you’re performing an activity focus all of your attention on that activity. Do your best on that activity at any given moment. This doesn’t mean you’re going to be excellent at that. We’re not even talking about how well you do something. We’re talking about you, giving your best effort in everything you do all the time and knowing that your best changes. So your best is going to be different than it will be at other times. Connecting this with English. Does it feel like some days you wake up and your English just sucks it’s not good that day you can’t speak well. You’re like what the hell is happening, I’m not speak English well today maybe you had an English class or a presentation or something in English and you just were terrible that day, your English sucked that day. Well even when we’re putting our best in sometimes maybe it’s not working, maybe your mouth isn’t flowing that day. The English isn’t coming out of your mouth, it doesn’t matter. You’re trying your best, you’re learning a lot, you’re learning from your mistakes, you could put your best into listening, listening to what other people are saying, listening to your English teacher, listening to yourself, putting in your best effort to learn as much as you can from that moment. So the next day when your English is back to normal you would have learned something the previous day even though you weren’t speaking wonderfully. You’re putting in your best effort. Learning more and more doing your best and feeling good. 

So I’m going to summarize these 4 agreements with a quote on each agreement. The first agreement and I’m quoting the book, be impeccable with your word, speak with integrity. Say only what you mean, avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. The second agreement don’t take anything personally, nothing others do is because of you, what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. Quoting from the third agreement, don’t make assumptions, find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life. And finally the fourth agreement quoting the book. Always do your best, your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance simply do your best and you will avoid self judgement, self-abuse and self-regret. Wow awesome episode, wonderful book I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned something of course if you want to go deeper into this book, there’s a lot more to learn. You can find a link to the book on my website feel goodenglish.com or just type in the four agreements on good old Google, Google is always there for you. Again if you want a transcript to this episode go to feelgoodenglih.com. You’ll find it there, hopefully I didn’t sound too sick in this episode, but hey I’m doing my best right.  And how about a joke, how can you tell, how can you tell is the same as how do you know if a mommy like in the Egyptian days. A mummy has a cold? He starts coughing. That’s a pretty bad joke don’t understand it, go to my website and learn why you should be laughing. Until next time be well, bye bye. 

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This is the speaking lesson for the episode on “The Four Agreements.” 

I’m going to go over some of the vocabulary and expressions from this lesson, ask you some questions based on that, getting you to think about the meanings of these expressions and vocabulary, and getting you to practice speaking.

You are going to speak the answers to this out loud, I mean actually use your voice and basically have a conversation with me, pretending like I’m the same room. If you want to put a picture of me on the wall, maybe that will help and you could look at me. Just kidding, you don’t have to do that. 

But the objective is for you to speak the answers to these questions, to repeat them, to go back over this lesson many many times, and to get this English deep into your head. You are also going to repeat the phrases that I say trying to copy the sentence structure, putting the words in the right order and not thinking too much about the answers.

There are many answers, you don’t have to give the one I give you, but make sure you’re repeating me. Now let’s  begin.

__________________

This book is about our self-limiting beliefs. Is this book about empowering beliefs? 

No, it’s about self-limiting beliefs, this book is about self-limiting beliefs;

Beliefs that rob us of joy and also that create a lot of suffering, a lot of needless suffering. So, do self-limiting beliefs make us happy, make us joyful? 

No, they rob us of joy.

Do they steal us of joy?

No, they rob us of joy.

They also create a lot of suffering, a lot of needless suffering.  So this suffering that is created by our self-limiting beliefs, is it necessary, is it important? 

No, it is needless suffering. The suffering that is created by our  self-limiting beliefs is needless, unnecessary.

By the way I’m a little under the weather today, if you can hear it in my voice. Am I feeling one hundred percent healthy today?

No, I’m feeling under the weather.

Am I very very sick?

No, I’m just a little under the weather.

So if you have a mild cold or just maybe you’re very low-energy, you’re not feeling great, you could say you’re under the weather. Correct?

Correct.

When you are just a little bit sick, when you are not at one hundred percent health, but you’re also not very sick, you say you are under the weather or you are feeling under the weather.

Here we talk about inspiring life-changing lessons with a  little bit of English vocabulary thrown in for good measure.  At Feel Good English do we talk about boring vocabulary lessons? 

No, we talk about inspiring life-changing lessons with a little bit of English vocabulary thrown in for good measure.

Is there too much English vocabulary? 

No, a little bit of English vocabulary thrown in for good measure.

Is there not enough English vocabulary?

No, there’s just enough, just enough vocabulary thrown in for good measure.

Freedom can be a vague term; it means different things to different people. Is personal freedom a very specific term? 

No, it’s a vague term; it means different things to different people.   

Personal freedom means the exact same thing to everybody. Correct?  No, it means different things to different people, it’s a vague term.

Vague is the opposite of specific or clear.

To be impeccable means to be flawless, faultless, of the highest standard. So being impeccable with your words means to not say what you’re really feeling. Correct?

No, being impeccable with your word means to have the courage to say what you’re really feeling.

If you are impeccable with your word it means you sometimes hide things from people and you don’t tell them the truth, sometimes, right? 

No; being impeccable means to not hide things and to not lie.

Being impeccable with your words means you should just say what other people want to hear.

No, you should say what they need to hear.

Often by speaking too much, we say things that we regret, meaning that we are happy with what we had said, we are  totally fine with what we had said. Correct?

No.  When we regret something it means we wish we hadn’t said that, we wish we hadn’t said those words.

To make fun of somebody, to make fun of somebody is to joke about them to try to offend them, to talk bad about somebody. So when you make fun of someone, you are complimenting them, correct?

No, you are offending them, you’re trying to hurt them, you’re making jokes about them. 

Making fun of somebody means you are having fun with them.

No, making fun of somebody means you are trying to offend them.

If somebody calls you chubby, they think you are fat.

No! Chubby means a little overweight, just a little bit overweight. 

If somebody calls you chubby, they think you look great. 

No, they think you are a little bit overweight.

When somebody says something that offends you, you get pissed at them; you get pissed off at them and say “I can’t believe you said that.”  When somebody says something that offends you, does it please you, does it make you feel happy? 

No, you get pissed, it pisses you off.

Realize that every single thing that they say has nothing to do with you, it is completely about them. When someone says something to you, it has everything to do with you, right? 

No, it has nothing to do with you, it is completely about them.

When somebody says something about you, it has nothing to do with them and it has everything to do with you. Correct? 

No, when people say things about you it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. 

Don’t let other people get you down by the words that they speak, simply realize that it’s not about you, it’s totally about them. If you are feeling down it means you’re feeling  great, correct? 

No, feeling down means you are not feeling good, you’re feeling sad or unhappy. 

You should let other people get you down by the words that they speak. 

No, you should not let other people get you down by the words that they speak.

To assume something is to think you know the answer to something, you think you know what’s going on, you think you know why somebody did something, you think you know why somebody is not doing something. So to assume something is to know the answer to something. Isn’t that right? 

No, it’s to think you know the answer to something.

When we make assumptions we know what’s going on.

No, we make assumptions when we only think we know what’s going on.

When you found out what was really going on it turned out  that you were completely wrong, so when you actually discovered what was really going on, when you found out what was really going on, it turned out exactly the way you thought it was going to be, right? 

No, it turned out that you were completely wrong, you assumed it was going to be one way but it turned out you were completely wrong.

Did you know exactly how it was going to turn out?

No actually it turned out that you were completely wrong.

Last agreement here, always do your best. Does that sound kind of cheesy?  “Always do your best!”  So if something is cheesy or some word sounds cheesy, maybe a song sounds cheesy, it means it’s not cool, it’s kind of in bad taste, old-fashioned, maybe it’s forced, cheesy clothes. But cheesy in general is something that’s not cool, that’s not reasonable.  So if I say “Always do your best!” Does it sound like I’m being very cool? 

No I’m being a little cheesy, I’m being a little forced.

If I’m wearing a shirt with a lion and a lightning bolt on it,  who’s climbing a mountain, is that a very cool t-shirt?  Well maybe, but you could also consider it a cheesy t-shirt, it’s cheesy.  Are the clothes that you’re wearing right now cheesy?   

No, you’re wearing very very cool, awesome clothing, I know that. 

Some days we’re going to feel like our English sucks, we’re not performing at our usual level. Do we always wake up feeling that our English is exactly the same? 

No, some days we feel like our English sucks.

When our English sucks, it means our English is excellent. 

No, when our English sucks it means it’s not very good. 

Should we not practice, should we not continue to use our English when it sucks? 

No, because we have to do our best every day, even if we feel like our English sucks that day, we need to keep doing our best.

Lastly here in the joke, how can you tell if a mummy has a  cold?  The expression to be able to tell, means to know something is true or happening or to see something and to notice that. So how can you tell if somebody is tired?  Well their eyes might be kind of shut, they’re slow, they’re putting their head on the table; so these are signs that help you be able to tell if somebody is tired. You could say how could you tell that I was sad today?  And you would say, “Well I know your behavior when you’re sad, I could tell you were sad because of your behavior.” So if we can tell somebody is sad, it means we can talk about it to them, correct?

No, it means we are able to see that they are sad. “Tell” here is not like “speak”. 

If she told him she could tell that he was upset, it means she could talk about it with him. 

No, it means she noticed, it was apparent, that he was upset.

If I say to you “You know I can tell there’s something on your mind.” It means I know that there’s something on your mind, I can see that there’s something on your mind.  Correct?

Yes, that’s correct.  I can tell there’s something on your mind, let’s talk about it.

And that will do it for this lesson on the vocabulary from The Four Agreements. Repeat this many many times, speak the answers out loud, drive this information, these words, these expressions into your brain, make them stick,  make them last forever,  memorize them by repetition and by making them real.

See you in the next lesson.

 

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This lesson is on the concepts from the book. Going to go over some of the main concepts from the lesson from the podcast episode based on the book, and just like in the other speaking lessons, I’m going to ask you questions, and you’re going to answer those questions.

You can use the same words, phrases, sentences that I use in the questions in your answers.

So we’re focusing on two things; one we’re focusing on getting a deeper understanding of the concepts from the lesson, and also practicing our English and using English in a way that is consistent with a native speaker, like myself.

So let’s get into this, answer the questions after I ask them, and repeat this lesson as many times as you need.

_______________

Our words are powerful, they create energy, they put energy out there; so if you say negative things to other people or about other people, it creates a negative energy and this can come back to you. The things we say, our words are not  powerful, correct? 

No, our words are powerful, our words create energy, they put energy out into the world. 

What do our words create?

They create energy, they create energy which goes out into the world.

So gossiping is talking badly or talking about the events in other people’s lives when they are not around us. Often I think we do this with our friends or with people we’re around, to connect with them, we’re trying to come up with something to talk about, so we talk about other people as a way of connecting.

Why do we sometimes gossip even though we know it’s not a very good thing to do?

Right, to connect with other people. 

Is gossiping something that we should do, is it harmless, meaning it won’t hurt anybody because they aren’t in the room with you?   

No, it affects them no matter what, it affects them even if they aren’t in the room. Why? Because it creates a negative energy. 

Gossiping about other people can affect others even if they aren’t in the room because…

….because it creates a negative energy; so don’t gossip.

If other people are making you feel bad, try to understand why they might be doing that, put yourself in their shoes, your acceptance and understanding and kindness will probably shock them when they realize you’re not affected by their bad intentioned words and actions.

If they are talking to you in a bad way, it doesn’t matter if you try to understand them or not, it’s not important for you to understand them. Correct?

Wrong, it’s actually very important to try to understand where they’re coming from; put yourself in their shoes.

If somebody’s talking bad about you, you should put  yourself into their pants.

No, you should put yourself into their shoes, meaning you should try to understand the world from their perspective.

Putting yourself into somebody else’s shoes is trying to understand the world from their perspective.

So when we talk about “You should put yourself in my shoes”, it means you should try their shoes on, put their shoes on your feet, right? 

Wrong, it means what? It means you should look at the world from their perspective, right?

Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes beings trying to understand the world from their perspective. So, when people are mean to you, try to understand them first before you react, put yourself in their shoes.

People lie, not to trick you or to hurt you, they lie because they are afraid of something, scared of the truth; they don’t want to tell you the truth because they don’t want to lose something, they don’t want to lose your trust, they don’t  want to lose your friendship, your relationship, your love or whatever that may be.

So we usually think people are lying to us because they want to deceive us, they want to trick us. But most of the time they’re lying to you because they are afraid, they are afraid of losing something.

Why do people often lie to you? 

Right, because they’re afraid of losing something.

They’re scared of the truth, they don’t want to tell you the truth because they think they might lose your trust; lose your respect, is a big one, lose your love.

So what are the three things they might think they’ll lose if they told you the truth?

They might think they’ll lose your trust, your respect or your love. 

People often don’t want to lose the relationship they have with you so they’ll lie to you because they’re afraid of losing the relationship.

We aren’t perfect, we make mistakes, but we think if the other person finds out the truth, they might leave us, they might break the friendship that we have with them.

So when someone lies to you, you should get very upset, get very angry with this person because they are trying to trick you. Is that right?

No, they’re very possibly afraid of something, so try to think about what they’re afraid of, what are they afraid of when they are lying to you.

If somebody lies to you, what should you do? 

You should think of what they are afraid of.

Making assumptions is often why we worry about the future because we think things are going to happen when we really don’t know, and often these things don’t happen.

So making assumptions causes a lot of worry.  What causes  a lot of worry? 

Making assumptions. 

Making assumptions causes us to worry about the future because we are afraid of the things that might happen.

Why does making assumptions cause us to worry about the future?

Because we’re afraid of things that might happen.

However, these things usually don’t happen, they’re just based on our past experiences.

Why should we try not to assume things are going to happen? 

Because often these things don’t happen, they’re just based on our past experiences.

Instead of trying to assume things are going to happen in our future, especially if we’re assuming the worst, we can stay present, we can be in the moment and we can stay positive and try to stay optimistic.

Instead of making assumptions about the future that cause us to worry, what can we do?

Right! We can stay present.

Try to be optimistic, try not to assume things if we don’t know exactly what’s happening.

Last concept here is based on a quote from the book, the quote goes,

“Always do your best, your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance simply do your best and you will avoid self judgement, self-abuse and self-regret.”

So your best is going to change from moment to moment, so when we say always do your best, it means your best is always going to be the same, right?

No, our best changes from moment-to-moment.

How, often does our best change?   

It changes from moment to moment.

Under any circumstance do your best and you will avoid self judgement, self-abuse and self-regret.

Some of the things we will avoid if we are always trying to do our best, are self-judgment, self-abuse and self-regret.

What are three things we will avoid if we always try to do our best?

Self-judgment, self-abuse and self-regret.

If we are doing our best, it will be hard for other people to judge us as well. Why?  Because we won’t take what they say personally, we won’t take it personally because we know it’s not true, we know we are doing our best and we’re not judging ourselves so we won’t let somebody else judge us.

So if we are always doing our best and somebody else tries to judge us, we won’t take it personally. Why does it not matter if somebody else judges us if we are doing our best? 

Right, because we won’t take it personally, and we won’t take it personally because we know it’s not true.

Why won’t we take it personally? 

Exactly, because we know it’s not true.

Hope you enjoyed this lesson, I hope it helps you internalize some of these concepts from the book The Four Agreements, and even more so I hope it helps you get stronger with your English speaking skills.

And to do that, go back, listen to this several times, answer the questions to this several times and train that English speaking muscle.

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If I had ________, I wouldn’t have / would have ___________.

self-limiting beliefs / under the weather / assumed / rob-steal 

Billy is an old man now. He regrets not taking more risks and being more confident during his life. Let’s think back on Billy’s life:

If Billy hadn’t been raised to have self-limiting beliefs, he would have been a lot more confident as an adult. *repeat. – What would have made Billy more confident?

“If he hadn’t been raised to have self-limiting beliefs”

Billy would have been more confident as an adult if he hadn’t raised with self-limiting beliefs. How would Billy have been today if he hadn’t been raised with self-limning beliefs?

He would have been more confident.

____________________

I missed a big concert last week that I was really excited about because I was under the weather. Let’s talk about it today.

I was under the weather last week. If I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have missed the concert. Why did I miss the concert?

Because I was under the weather.

Would I have missed the concert if I hadn’t been under the weather?

No, I wouldn’t have missed the concert last week if I hadn’t been under the weather.

Last week I sent an angry email to my boss because I had assumed she was ignoring me.  But I was wrong. She had been really busy and didn’t have time to respond to my emails.

I assumed my boss was angry so I sent her an angry email Why did I send my boss an angry email last week?

Because I had assumed she was angry.

If I hadn’t assumed my boss was angry, I wouldn’t have sent her the angry email. If I hadn’t assumed she was angry, what would I not have done?

I wouldn’t have sent her an angry email.

I wouldn’t have sent her an angry email if I hadn’t assumed she was angry. I wouldn’t have sent that email if what….?

If I hadn’t assumed she was angry.

rob-steal

Yesterday someone robbed my house and stole my laptop. But it was my fault. I had left my door unlocked.

What happened yesterday?

Someone robbed my house and stole my laptop.

But it was my fault. Why?

Because I had left the door open.

If I hadn’t left the door open, they wouldn’t have robbed my house. What would have prevented my house from being robbed?

If I hadn’t left the door open.

They wouldn’t have stolen my laptop if the door had been locked. Why did they steal my laptop?

Because the door hadn’t been locked. 

If I had locked the door yesterday, they wouldn’t have been able to rob my house and steal my laptop.

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Wow! That was mean! I wish I hadn’t said those mean words.  “What do I wish I hadn’t said?” 

“Those mean words. I wish I hadn’t said those mean words.”

I was such a bully when I was a teenager.  I wish I hadn’t been such a bully when I was a teenager. “What do I wish I hadn’t been when I was a teen”

I wish I hadn’t been such a bully.

She used to make fun of other students in high school. She wishes she hadn’t made fun of other students when she was in high school. What does she wish?

“She wishes she    hadn’t made fun of other students”

I wish my wife hadn’t called me chubby. Now I feel fat! “What do I wish?”

I wish my wife my hadn’t called me chubby.

Why do I wish she hadn’t called me chubby?

Because now I feel fat!

My wife wishes that I hadn’t taken things so personally. She thinks I’m too sensitive. What does she wish?

“That I hadn’t take things so personally”

Why do I take things so personally?

Because I’m too sensitive.

But it’s understandable. When I was young, I wish I hadn’t taken things so personally as well. What do I wish?

“That when I was young I hadn’t taken thing so personally”

 

 

 

 

Say hi to Kim at her website, www.EnglishwithKim.com  

 

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Kevin: Hey Kim Dodge. How are you, Kim Dodge?

Kim: I’m great. How are you?

Kevin: Good. Thanks for being with me to talk about The Four Agreements, and this is one of my favorite books. I think there are only four lessons here, but I think they are so powerful and they cover such a wide spectrum of life that it can be very useful. The first one is be impeccable with your word. What does that mean to you first off? When you talk about being impeccable with your word, how would you explain that to somebody?

Kim: So that’s a really great question, and it’s funny because I think that the particular word ‘impeccable’ it doesn’t resonate with me as much as I want it to, right?

Kevin: Totally agree with you.

Kim: Yes. I think that’s one of the reasons why when I first read this book I liked it but I didn’t love it. I love the overall writing style and the way of explaining these four agreements which we we’ll talk about. But I felt like impeccable is expecting perfection, and I think as somebody in my early 20’s I felt like there was so much pressure to be perfect. But really what “be impeccable with your word means” is that you need to understand that words truly have power, that the words you use with yourself and you use with other people resonate more than with just their literal meaning. There is like that deeper desire that comes from within you, well the deeper agreement because that’s what we will be talking about. It shows your world view, it shows the way that you are viewing yourself, it shows the things that you believe are possible and you believe that are impossible. And something that I have totally learned in the last, you know, decade or so since I read this book, probably 12 years, is that I definitely use a lot of negative language earlier in my life because that was what I was used to hearing and so I would use negative words, I would complain, I would say things that weren’t positive. And I realize now as somebody who has grown personally over my entire life, I realize that those words are what are truly keeping me back. If I believe something to be true, it will be true, and so I think that’s what he means by be impeccable with your word.

Kevin: And I think it is recognizing the power words have, how much influence they have so you treat them with such respect that you won’t use them incorrectly, or you won’t be negative with them, because they have a lot of power behind them. So maybe treating them like this, I don’t want to say sacred, but almost being impeccable meaning something that is flawless, something that is perfect, the words themselves so…

Kim: Honoring the words.

Kevin: Honoring is a great word, yes, thanks. Honoring the words. And I have to catch myself sometimes too, you have a choice often, either to look at something negatively and share those opinions you have and share those with other people, which is even worse I think when you bring that negativity to other people around you, but even to yourself when you decide, “Oh, I want to look at this situation negatively” and you know complain or blame or bring the energy down in general, versus the other decision just to first of all keep your mouth shut and to not share those negative words with other people, but also to just accept it, accept the moment, accept what’s happening and be grateful, put things into perspective.

Kim: Exactly. We still have the choice with how we use our words even if we are influenced from the outside by words that are negative, commentary that is negative. We have the option to decide whether or not we want to respond in that way as well.

Kevin:  So going into the second agreement here, this one is huge to me I think, and it’s, don’t take anything personally. So I’ll take this one first. So often we think what everybody else does is based on us, what they say, how they treat us, what they do when they are around us. I think naturally as humans we are quite, what’s the word I’m looking for? not egotistical, but we definitely think that our world is most important and that often other people see the world with the same eyes as we do. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth, everybody has so much history and stories and opinions and beliefs that in the book what they talked about not taking anything personally is because everyone is so different and we need to have empathy and we need to see that everybody else is different, they have their own things going on and that could give us strength to not take things personally, to not think that what everybody else does and what happens is based on us. What are your thoughts on that? 

Kim: I think that this particular lesson is one that took me a long time of experiencing life and just kind of living my life to really understand it. And the more I understand… like you mentioned, we all have a belief system, limiting beliefs, things that we grew up with that we think are true, and if you don’t examine that you just assume that everything that you have  lived previously is the way that things have to be always, and so you don’t recognize like… let me rephrase that as well. So for me when I think about not taking anything personally I think about situations where I feel frustrated, or I feel triggered, I feel angry at something that happened to me. And a lot of times if I really examine that it has nothing to do with what the other person did; it has to do with something that happened to me in my life previously that made me feel small or unimportant or not listened to or ignored, or these kinds of negative feelings. Especially that we see you when we are smaller, when we don’t have as much control over the people in our lives, and in our environments because we are going up with one family unit, with a certain school, a certain part of the world, and as you get older you have the option to choose where you actually want to be in your life and find things that fit with you. So I feel like not taking anything personally you start realizing that when people react in a way that you are like, “Wow, why did that person get so angry?” it really doesn’t have anything to do with you most of the time, it has to do with them and their story. Because if people are able to kind of process their emotions and understand, “Okay, I don’t need to get frustrated about this, this isn’t worth my time” they are not going to react, but if people don’t process their emotions they tend to react and get angry at you or criticize you or tell you, you need to do things another way. And it’s like you said, they are seeing things through the lens of their own world, and when you start reacting to them in the way that they are treating you, you’re not acting from your center, from your own knowledge of yourself, your own personal growth, your own development as a human because you’re being able to be sucked into their drama. Or even with positive things, we are talking negative things because a lot of these are about negative situations and responding accordingly, but even positive things, when somebody gives you adulation and they really admire you and you’re like, “I didn’t do anything, what are they talking about?” Maybe you were the first person who really listened to them, and so if you start feeling like, “Wow, I’m the best listener ever” and you are not continuing to develop your skills as a listener, you are also taking it personally, you are assuming that it was you that did the thing instead of you just facilitating something that needed to happen in that. I hope that makes sense but…

Kevin: That’s a great point. When we are praised and congratulated it’s the same thing, we shouldn’t take that personally. It sounds weird but to follow this agreement you would have to follow it on both sides, both negative things and positive things. Why? Well if we are trying not to base ourselves, our emotions and our moods on what other people say, we have to do that with the good and the bad. And even when they are praising, us it is based on their view and their world view and their intentions. And obviously it doesn’t mean we can’t say thank you and be appreciative of that, but I think we have to disconnect from that a little bit. And this also helps us to deal with the good and the bad, if we know that we don’t need to take what other people say when, they are criticizing us, we don’t need to take that personally, life can be easier. But on the other side, we also have to do that with positive  things, and it’s a good thing as well, we are not dependent on other people’s opinion of us. And a lot of this, in general, comes down to taking responsibility for our lives and for ourselves, not letting other people dictate how we are going to feel, what we are going to do. And not taking anything personally is a measure of taking responsibility for your life.

Don’t make assumptions. Assumptions can get us into trouble. Why do you think we are so quick to make assumptions, and we all do, why do you think we are so quick to make assumptions as humans Kim? 

Kim: Well that’s a great question and something that I have been learning a lot about recently. And it kind of goes back to our ancient biology, is that you have to make quick decisions in order to protect yourself and feel that you are safe and feel that your physical body and your family is all safe. And so I think the assumption is basically our brain leaping to conclusions in order to kind of determine whether or not this person or this situation is a threat or not. And so the assumptions, we try to determine what’s going on, because if we have this particular way of seeing the world we need to fit each situation into our way of seeing the world. I have definitely been guilty of making  assumptions and mind reading, assuming that I know what people are thinking based on their facial expressions or just trying to figure it out without just directly asking somebody, so I have been guilty of that myself, but I think it’s just because I previously wanted to just know what are people thinking, how should I react, what should I do, how can I make myself more accepted by these other people? And it’s kind of like not taking responsibility for like, do I accept myself? in assuming that my value had to be determined by other people. I do think this also  comes from when we were kids, we want our parents to take care of us and protect us and look after us so we want to make sure we are always doing things that are accepted by them, that are pleasing to them. And so I think that it is just this, if you don’t start questioning these assumptions or questioning this behavior, you are just doing it in order to protect yourself. But once you are a grown person or not in a situation that is physically dangerous, you don’t really need to assume, you can be more curious.

Kevin: Yes. And I think there are a couple things here. So one is our development, when we are young we make assumptions based on what we are taught and it helps to grow up, and almost how to survive. And even with survival I think we can even go back to the evolution like you mentioned in the beginning how we needed to assume things in order to survive. Thousands and thousands of years ago we assumed if we walked into this cave there is going to be a scary animal in there, a big bear or something that might attack us. Or we assume if we cross the river and walk for one week in that direction there is going to be a bunch of elk, the animal that we can hunt and eat, so making assumptions based on our experiences. However, these days we don’t need to worry about these types of survival situations, but we continue to assume things. And based on reality, what’s happening, what’s going on here, I am assuming this to make sure that I will avoid that. I assume my boss is angry, he looks  like he’s angry, he must be angry with me, I don’t want to lose my job, so I’m just going to make sure that he’s not angry with me, I am going to try to appease him, try to avoid certain situations, or worse, I’m going to get angry with him, defend myself, when it’s possible that he’s not even angry with you, so kind of going into survival mode… And I like when I can connect and when I think a lot of these behaviors or things that we do that kind of cause trouble are just based on the way that we evolved, the way that humans are. These are just very natural things, and they are not wrong; but now through knowledge and wisdom and as we get more enlightened I guess you could say, we can deal with these things. And that’s one reason I like books like this and I like reading this is how to improve and how to deal with our natural instinctual behaviors, and I think this is a good example of that.

Moving along, the last one here Kim, always do your best; your best changes from time to time. Why is it important for someone to not only always do their best but to know that your best changes from time to time, from day-to-day, from even minute to minute, why do you think this is a valuable lesson?

Kim: I think that you said it out perfectly there that the thing that is so important to keep in mind about doing your best is that your best changes as you evolve as a human. So you have to give yourself credit for doing your best. I used to have this expression that I used with one of my friends a lot that “we did the best that we could with the information we had at the time.” During the recession we were looking for jobs and we went to grad school and we were looking for jobs and you’re kind of like, “Well, you did the best you could with that information you had at the time, you can’t predict the future.” So you have to compare yourself to your own actions from the past, not compare yourself to other people and what’s possible for them because it’s your best. It’s not to try to be perfect, which I know that the book doesn’t want you to think about perfection, it wants you to do exactly what is the best for you right then, not anything more, not better than your best because it’s really important to just see yourself honestly in the situation you are in and then work towards the things that are achievable for you in that moment.

Kevin: A tricky thing – how do you know if you are doing your best?

Kim: You’ve got to listen to yourself.

Kevin: What do you mean by that?

Kim: I feel like you know if you do your best. If you are really listening to your deeper self… the word I use a lot is intuition or you can say your gut. And so you know deep inside you how you actually feel about what you are doing. The problem is when we compare ourselves to external circumstances or we ask other people to tell us about ourselves, they might have different criteria. And this is where it goes back to what we were talking about a little bit earlier. But you really do know deep within yourself whether you did the best you could with what you had at the time. And so I feel like this is where you kind of need to get quiet and understand like, “Did I do…” And you know when the answer is no. “Did I do the most I could?” You know when the answer is no; you know when the answer is yes. But it is that ability to be honest with yourself that will keep you motivated. What do you think?

Kevin: I totally agree and that is what he talks about in the book as well, the internal judge. I’m sure we have all felt sometimes we weren’t doing our best, we were being lazy or we could have done more, could have done more. And we have this internal voice like, “Get going, get off the couch, get moving.” And if we are doing our best we know it because we don’t have this inner voice telling us to get moving, to do more. So I think, intuition, and it’s a feeling as well. If we are doing our best when we lay our heads down at night on our pillow to go to bed, we know we did our best.

So great Kim, thanks for joining me here on this lesson talking about this book. I imagine one of these agreements resonates with everybody, first they read that one and go, “This is big; this is something I need to work on.” So maybe taking it kind of piece by piece, knowing where you are in your life and what might be the most valuable for you and starting from there.

 

 

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Hey guys Kevin here.

This is the Q&A portion of the membership. The idea is to accumulate questions from you the member over the month based on either the book that we’re discussing and learning from, or English questions, grammar, whatever you want to ask, obviously the purpose is to, to give you my opinions on what I think, based on your question, I’m not a professional but I spend a lot of time reading and learning and I do have a degree in psychology, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about emotions and productivity and these types of things.

By the way, it’s pretty different talking into a computer screen so, I’m not planning exactly what I’m going to say here, I want to be a little more free-form, just kind of go with the flow, improvise so, if it’s not so smooth here that’s why because I don’t want to make it very forced.

Different than the podcast, the podcast I plan it out, I make a lot of notes, do a lot of editing. I want to make this a little more natural. So, if it seems a little weird if I seem a little uncomfortable at times that’s because I am, it’s, it’s not natural to be talking into a little webcam there but, I’m trying to remind myself I’m talking to you all out there.

I’ll just get into it…

The first question how to find more motivation during tough times and how to get along with some bad feelings such as jealousy, resentment, grudge and so on. OK.

So, first there’s two parts here, first is motivation, motivation during tough times, and I imagine this is, how do you stay motivated, it’s not always easy to stay motivated.

What helps me, and I tend to get distracted often, I’ll have a big goal I want to accomplish and I’ll get distracted by things I read or see and then I’ll kind of change course and I’ll lose motivation on that or, I’ll lose interest in something, and you’re motivated in the beginning but then you get distracted and you don’t stay on course.

I’ll relate this a lot to English cause I’m sure a lot of you are really here to kind of become fully confident with your English so, what helps me is to always remind myself of the big picture, what’s the big main goal, life goal I want to achieve. With my online business, teaching English, I want to be able to create my own thing, help people from around the world, connect with different cultures, not work for anybody else, bring a lot of value, have fun with it, and this takes time, years of putting in work and learning things so, often I’ll have a new idea, a new course, a new project, a new business, a new… Could even be short term a new episode for the week and it can be hard to stay motivated on all of these different things. Sometimes I’ll give up on something and instead of getting discouraged and feeling like I’m losing all motivation to do this, I will remind myself well as long as I am, as long as I am keeping the big picture in mind, staying focused on the big picture, I don’t have to worry so much about daily motivation, on one exact thing. I can stay motivated enough to continue to put myself back on track, to keep working towards the big goal.

So with your English, maybe you have a new English course that you bought, you paid a couple hundred dollars for, you started strong and then after a couple weeks you lose motivation to continue working with that course, and you get discouraged and then maybe you don’t want to return to that course, but that’s OK. Remind yourself what’s the big picture,? What are you trying to do? You’re trying to become a confident English speaker.  There are many, many, many different ways to do this, so just because you lose motivation in one thing at one particular time doesn’t mean you can’t continue to put yourself back on track to continue towards that.

So, keep the big picture in mind if you lose course, if you lose motivation, just catch yourself, be aware, come back on track, realize what the big picture is again and take the next step.

Next part of this question deal with difficult emotions. I’m not going to go in each one. I think they all kind of require their own tactics, strategies, thoughts. I’ll take jealousy because we all deal with jealousy at times I have a pretty attractive wife I would say, and of course I could get jealous sometimes when she’s talking to guys and guys always talk to her.

So, jealousy, let’s, it could be in a relationship or it could be maybe you’re jealous of somebody in business. What I’ve learned to do, and what I’m learning to do is, if ever I get jealous, and I start daydreaming or imagining what’s going on with somebody else’s life, and I don’t want them to be doing something or I don’t want them to be talking to a guy or I’m hoping that they aren’t interested in somebody else, or somebody else I don’t want them to be in business, I don’t want them to be more successful, or they’re getting attention that I’m not and I’m feeling kind of like a victim. Instead of putting your energies and thoughts into the other person,  flip it around and put it back on yourself. What can you do at that time for yourself that’s positive to make you feel better about your situation, your life, who you are?

Stop putting negative feelings on other people, taking your feelings and putting them into other people’s lives thinking that if they changed their behavior you would feel OK, because that will never work. So, if she stopped talking to guys if they stopped talking to her I would feel OK, if he wasn’t getting special treatment at work, if he wasn’t making much more money than me I would feel OK. That’s not taking responsibility for your life, and a quick way to change your thoughts, to feel better is to flip it around put it back on yourself. What can I do right now for myself to make me feel better, to make me be better, to get closer to, to the goals that I want to have, to build the life that I want, interdependent of what they’re doing. This seems to help me a lot.

So, the next question here is based on the book “Sex at Dawn”, that was the one dealing with the evolution of our sexual behavior and kind of getting into why humans cheat on each other, if we’re married why we want to have sex with other people and this is all based on evolution we shouldn’t feel like we’re criminals if we do this, it’s based on our natural instincts.

The question I got is, “men are said to cheat out of monotony and women out of loneliness. Do you agree on that statement?”

I absolutely agree with that. I can speak from my own experience I guess, I like excitement, I like passion, adventure all of these different things, traveling to exotic countries, and putting myself in challenging situations, and I think that’s something that I would want out of a relationship as well. A little bit unrealistic, you can’t have that much passion and excitement out of a long-term relationship, so I think guys often get bored, and look for that excitement somewhere else. There’s other reasons I think men cheat as well but I think that’s kind of the general reason. That’s why guys might go to strip clubs it’s exciting and it’s, you know it’s, it’s entertainment, where women don’t care as much about strip clubs.

Where women out of loneliness, cheating yes, I think if they feel unloved or unattractive they want to feel needed by somebody, they want to feel important, probably based on safety and security, they want to feel safe and secure and if a guy shows how important they are, the woman is to them, they’ll feel safe and secure, however if there’s a disconnection and a lot of, not a lot of, not a lot of attention given by the man, she’ll get lonely and she’ll look for that somewhere else, she’ll look for that attraction, she’ll want to feel pretty, she’ll want to feel beautiful as well, and so she’ll look for somebody to do that for them, but I think it’s loneliness more so based on a woman wanting to feel safe and secure in her relationships, and that she’s taken care of and appreciated and attracted and whatnot.

The next question is to, how to not lose enthusiasm for studying English. Great question, I’ve dealt with this many, many times. This kind of where I focus my attention, because if you’re enthusiastic, if you’re excited about learning English, it makes things much easier.

A very small percentage of English learners enjoy the actual routine of studying English, they love English because it’s a new language and that’s why they do it; not hard for those people, other people have other reasons they need to learn English, they need to do it for their career or what not, and it’s not always that fun.

So, some things you can do if you’re losing enthusiasm, first of all the word study English, I don’t like study English, in the beginning stages when you’re beginner, intermediate, maybe you do have to study English, you study grammar, structure, a little bit of that it helps a lot. But just the sound of studying something adds a whole kind of weight, it gets heavy, or heavy, like oh I got to study, take that word out of your vocabulary, let’s not study English, let’s learn through English and play with English and so if we learn things, you want to learn about cooking, learn about cooking through English. If you want to learn more about yourself personal development, self-awareness and all of these things learn that through English. That’s what I do for you, I like the rhymes there .

But, some studying, you start learning things through English and mix it up, find something else, there’s videos, movies T.V. series, programs, travel go, travel somewhere and learn English there; live your life through English, find ways to keep it exciting don’t just think English is gonna become exciting, take the responsibility, find ways that you can make it exciting and get more enthusiastic about what you’re doing.

So if you find yourself getting bored change what you’re doing, find something else. If you’re listening to a podcast it’s getting boring, find another one there’s plenty out there that you can use to keep yourself enthusiastic.

Also don’t think you have to stop doing your normal daily routine, things and create an English habit, take English, put it into your day. Ease these habits into your day, ease means make it easy, bring them into your day, go about your normal day, put fun things in English into your day. So stop studying English!

Next one here quick expression to call it a day, I’m going to call it a day, that means to finish your day, usually your work, if you’re working all day, you say I’m going to call it a day, gonna call it a day I’m tired. We often use it if we’re tired, if we’re overworked, we tend to use it, I’ve been working all day I’m going to call it a day but it doesn’t have to be, it can just simply be, gonna finish today’s work, gonna call it a day you could even say it if you’re going to go to bed. I’m gonna go to bed, I’m gonna call it a day, which is kind of more literal, you’re going to bed, but it’s a loose expression, so you don’t have to use it in very specific circumstances, you can use it, I’m gonna call it a day I’m going home, I’m gonna go to bed, I’m gonna call it a day. So pretty cool, pretty often, often-used expressions.

Then again just a side note, don’t try to use expressions as much as possible, that’s not how we speak as native speakers it’s going to sound forced or like you’re inside of a novel or a, I don’t know a poem, we don’t have to use expressions all of the time. It’s important for you to understand them but not overuse them. You’re going to sound unnatural if you use too many expressions, so take it easy.

Last question here it’s based on a book “On Purpose” and the question is based on a quote actually, and the quote is “he who has a why to live for, can bear almost any how.” That’s a great quote, and great question there. So, the question is what’s your point on this, he who has a why to live for can bear almost any how. Who has a purpose, somebody who has a purpose, to live for can bear, that means to can handle and deal with, bear, like the animal bear but we’re using this differently, can deal with almost any how, meaning they can figure out how to make that happen, if you have a purpose you can figure out a how.

I think this kind of, actually interestingly enough wraps around to the very beginning of this video, and losing motivation. When we have a purpose behind what we do, we can find that motivation again, when we have a purpose behind what we do, we can find ways to do it, there’s another, something I’ve seen multiple times is. Whenever…the why or I’m sorry, the the How is always there you can always find the how, online courses or schools or whatever that may be, you can always figure out how to do some things, always there for you in multiple, multiple ways but if you don’t know why you’re doing it and if you don’t have a big purpose behind it you won’t use those tools. Thousands of English tools available for free, paid, all different types, if you don’t use them, if you don’t know why you’re using them, they’re pointless.

So, yes, I agree, deeper question is how to find that purpose, how to find this underlying Why and if you don’t have a why, if you don’t have a purpose behind what you’re doing most of the time, that’s going to be really frustrating you know, we’re in a job we don’t like, we have no real motivations behind the job, we’re just there. So, yeah that can be tough. Finding your purpose is important and I sometimes, I think those words are heavy oh what’s my purpose, Oh it’s like you have to be like a movie star, or like in a movie and you change the world and. We have to simplify sometimes, we’re not all going to be famous and change the world, we can change our, maybe our area around us, what’s our purpose? Maybe our purpose is to be a great parent to your children, maybe a purpose is to be the best you can be at your job, maybe the purpose is to always be learning, learning new things, maybe that’s just a very vague yet very important purpose my purpose is to always be learning.

So, that takes some thought. What is your purpose? What is your purpose behind English, wrapping it around, what’s your purpose? What can it bring to your life? What can it bring to other people’s lives? How to make your life easier, happier, more fulfilling? How can English, you becoming fluent bring that to other people’s life? So, looking for that purpose that will keep you looking for the, the How the ways to do things is, is key, if you don’t know one maybe it’s not the time for that to come and you just have to keep grinding, grinding, keep grinding, grinding is like rubbing two things together, keep grinding and grinding away, which means working hard, kind of being unmotivated but you just keep making the decision, I’ll keep going, finding a purpose through that process. Sometimes we start without a purpose, once we put in the hard work and things start happening, we might find a bigger purpose there. If that’s not clear let’s say you start a new project or a new business; you open up a store, in the beginning you don’t really even know why, you just want to make money but it’s hard so you’re putting in a lot of work, you’re grinding away every day, in the beginning it’s rough. People start coming, you start building a business you start opening your eyes to the importance of your business, why this is happening, why people are coming, the things you’re learning about yourself, about people, about business, that are becoming much more apparent to you. And this can become your purpose, so, through the hard work, get to that purpose, once you do it all make things easier.

So, great. I had a fun time doing this, this was pretty fun. I hope you enjoyed it. Five questions I got this month and something I’d like to do in the membership, if you have any questions or comments on this again, just send me an email, kevin@feelgoodenglish.com. I’m sure by this point you can contact me.

And let’s keep going. Thanks for watching. I’ll talk to you soon bye, bye